


Uncertainty

by Chexmixup



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: ? Possibly?, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-20 14:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8251715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chexmixup/pseuds/Chexmixup
Summary: Alternate resolve to days 7-9.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is raw, and it's the first thing I've finished since I started my new job I think. Anyways, take this, I hope you enjoy. If not, it's sort of shitty so I don't blame you. Lmao.
> 
> EDIT!!!! I went through, reread, and edited some of the grammatical and perspective errors!!

He pretends he can’t hear, but he feels guilty every time he even thinks about pulling his headphones over his ears. It’s as if he’s obligated to listen to the heart wrenching sounds of her sobs, he is the one responsible for them. He feels like maybe, just maybe, he should go comfort her, but this had been what he’d wanted. He wanted to drive her away, make her hate him, even leave the RFA. Because she could be safe then, happy then, she wouldn’t be obligated to care for an organization of strangers who put her in danger just because she showed kindness.

 

His thoughts were racing a mile a minute, and his hands began to stutter on his keyboard. The only solution is to quell her crying, maybe even see her smile again. Yes, that charming smile would ease any worry he had. Of course, he didn’t deserve to see that smile, but he was selfish and need to see her happy again to be calm. Luciel was fighting himself with every thought because he couldn’t see her unhappy, but he couldn’t let her get any more attached to him. It’d only lead to more heartbreak.

 

Sadly, his body acted of its own accord, and he was at her door before he could scold himself.  _ It’s already too late, _ He tried to excuse himself because he was a weak man.  _ I’m here, I should just get it over with. _ He could deal with the backlash later.

 

He raps on the door quickly, and he’s greeted with a sharp gasp before silence. A silence that stretches long and loud, nearly deafening him. It wasn’t too late, he could go sit down and tell her that she was making things up.

 

But before he knows it, he’s met with her normally sharp eyes, which are now dulled down with tears. Her face has stark red tear tracks, but beyond that she’s trying to keep some sort of composure in front of him. It’s easy for him to see the way she puts up her mask, and it hurts him more than it should. She’d never been so closed off to him.

 

_ It’s what you’d wanted. You did this, you drove her to this. She was cheerful and willing to love any part of anyone, no matter how ugly. And you broke her, how dare you- _

 

He’s forced to stop thinking as she clears her throat. Her eyes say she’s hurting but her body language gives no indication. He’s speechless, so she starts for him. “Was I… Was I too loud? Did I bother you?” He opens his mouth to object, feeling his heart splinter further, but she continues. “I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mean to be an even larger burden.” She admits with hesitance and his words from either echo through his head.

 

_ “You want to show me your gratitude, huh?” He says bitterly, feeling venom slip from his tongue that he doesn’t truly feel. _

 

_ “Yes…! You came all this way to help protect me, there has to be something I can do.” She sounds desperate, her eyes are pleading with him to open up to her, let her close to him. His heart beats wildly because he wants to more than anything, god why couldn’t life be easy? _

 

_ “If you want to show your gratitude, then leave me the hell alone. You’ve been nothing but a burden since you joined the RFA, you’ve made my life a hell of a lot harder. So just leave me alone and let me do my work so I can go home.” He thinks he’ll die from the look of absolute heartbreak on her face. It’s almost dizzying the way she stares at him in disbelief, then despair, then… Nothing. Her emotions are masked and her eyes stare dully at him, then the floor. She’s too shocked to shed tears, and instead excuses herself with a brief apology. _

 

She’d been in Rika’s room since that’d happened, he was sure she hadn’t left for anything to eat or drink. It was only recently, however, her haunting sobs echoed through the apartment.

 

“I’m sorry I’m such a burden…” She says and a sad smile tugs onto her face, pulling him back to the present. “God, I can’t even stay away from you properly,” She laughs this time and it’s to cover the way her shoulders shake with a sob. He wants to reach out to her, pull her to his chest and apologize until his voice is hoarse. That wouldn’t ever, ever be enough to make up for what he’d put her through, he knew, but god his hands itched to hold her and comfort her. But before he can caress the tears from her face, before he can even tell her she’s wrong and that he’s here to apologize, she cuts him off. “I’m sorry. I’ll be quieter. Good… Good luck with your work, okay? Please don’t forget to get some rest, it’s getting late,” She murmurs and even after everything he’s done to her, she’s still looking out for him. He’s never hated himself more, he’s never hated his hearing more, he’s never hated his eyesight or tongue or body more than he had at that moment for bringing him to the situation he currently stood in. But at least it enabled him to do something.

 

The first thing he’s able to do is shove his foot in front of the door as she moves to close it, and quickly her tear filled eyes are staring at him. He needs to say something, he’s got to stop her from shutting herself away like he does.

 

“Luciel…” She says when he can’t say anything. He was sure his heart had been broken completely, but it still stuttered when she said his name. “Please… Please just go back to your work… You don’t need to say anything, I promise I won’t bother you anymore…”

 

“That’s not what I’m here for,” He sputters out quickly, and she nearly flinches as if she weren’t expecting him to speak at all. “I’m… I… Please open the door so I can talk to you properly,” He says, and she’s silent with shock. But she gradually opens the door, her eyes averting from his face to the floor.

 

He can’t stop himself, and he’s pulling her to his chest in a crushing hug. His face is buried in her hair, and his hands are curled in her sweater. He feels the way she’s gone stiff, but in no time her arms are hesitantly wrapping around his shoulders and her face is buried in his neck. She’s shaking again, trying to muffle her sobs so he doesn’t have a reason to let her go. But it isn’t as if he couldn’t feel the tears soak his shirt and jacket, so instead he pulls her closer.

 

“I… There’s a lot to say… A lot you deserve to know… A lot I can’t tell you right now…” He says without realizing, and it almost scares him to know there is a part of him coherent enough to voice an excuse. “I can’t explain yet… But I want to… You’re in danger just by me saying this much…”

 

“L-Luciel--”

 

He decides then and there he will never let himself hear her say his name in such a broken way again.

 

“I want to protect you…” He cuts her off. “I want you to be safe but… But it seems like none of that matters if you aren’t happy. If you’re sobbing over me… Maybe I need to find a better way to keep you safe.” He grips her tighter, she’s shaking more, but all that matters is that she’s in his arms and clutching him like he’s her life line. “I can never apologize enough to ever make up for what I did to you… But I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. I promise… If keeping you by my side will keep you happy, dammit I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe and happy…”

 

He doesn’t know where this is coming from, he doesn’t know if he even believes what he’s saying, but she’s stopped crying so he has to make sure it’s true. “Luciel…” She says slowly, as if she’s scared he’ll change his mind.

 

“Please, I know you don’t have a reason to believe me, but please…” He says and hugs her tighter. “I mean every word I say.”

 

“You won’t push me away anymore… You… You want me to stay, even as a burden…?” She says with a shaking voice.

  
“You were never a burden…” He admits and he feels her grip his jacket. “You’re the light of my life, you have been the moment you joined the chat… I just…” He stops himself, now isn’t the time. “Someday, someday soon I’ll tell you everything… But right now, all I can say is I love you, and do what I can to protect you without pushing you away.”


End file.
